By Megan McClanahan
I didn’t realize how much my grandma meant to me until I lost her. I visited her almost every single day for a few months leading up to her death. These visits made us closer, which ultimately made it harder losing her.
I had never experienced grief like this before. I felt so trapped within myself, because I couldn’t express how I was feeling or what I needed to those around me. I don’t feel trapped within myself anymore, but I am still affected by her death emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
It really helps talking about the death of a loved one with others who have also lost loved ones. The main turning point that helped me heal was talking to a very close friend of mine who had lost her grandpa. She just understood me in a way no one else could. She put the words to my feelings when I couldn’t articulate what I was feeling and thinking.
I do believe there are new things in my life due to the loss, but I wouldn’t say they are for the best. This is really hard to admit, but I’ve been more tired, lazy and not as willing to get close to new friends. I used to be full of energy, a go-getter and willing to talk to anyone to have real and meaningful conversations. Sometimes I am or do these things, but not nearly as much as I used to. I’m not sure if it’s due to the loss, or if I have just changed overall.
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